Reader Testimonials -- John of Ohio

From time to time we get letters from our readers. I like to know how people were drawn in to Armstrongism and how they left. My favorites are the stories of challenges overcome and second chances. I think you’ll find that in this story today, but you’ll have to look hard for it. Because in today’s personal experience letter from our readers we’ll see how escaping Armstrongism is not always a bed of roses.

I know from personal experience that there are some callous and inconsiderate souls out there who deny that anyone had a bad experience in Armstrongism. I’m sorry, but that’s delusional. There is a very real, very serious reason why we have links to suicide hotline and help groups here on ABD.

I want everyone to know this: just because you leave Armstrongism, doesn’t mean Armstrongism has left you. Even if we come to grace and step into the New Covenant in the blood of our Lord Jesus, some wounds remain. Sometimes we have gotten ourselves into something and those situations have lasting effects. God isn’t going to whisk those things away. They have to be worked out. He will help us, but we have made our own bed.

Take me for example. Time was lost and loved ones have passed away while I was preoccupied with my splinter group. I will never get back that time nor my loved ones, who should have been my business all along. I have to deal with this for the rest of my life.

These are the hidden things, the damage we do that we don’t see until it’s too late. It is very real. It is very serious. And so far as I have control over it, I will not allow the first word from a person so cold and wretched as to deny that people have had their lives damaged and even ruined by Armstrongism.

But if you would allow me a bit of speculation, I have noticed that the most common problems for people leaving Armstrongism are marital problems. Maybe I’m wrong about that, but that’s what I’ve seen.

Marriages in Armstrongism are often a world apart from marriages in a grace-based system. Like all relationships in a legalistic system, they are conditional. The entire marriage could have rested entirely on conditions (of belief, action, submission, or whatever.) When the church changes, the conditions change, and the dynamic of the relationship either changes or disintegrates. Often there are scars left that need time to heal. Sometimes, one spouse cannot bring themselves to overcome those scars.

I wish I had better resources available for those of you who need marital counselling. I am working on it. Please contact me if you believe you can help people with this need! My email is listed in the menu to the right.

John from Ohio wants to share his experience with you, warts and all. He wants anyone who feels as he does to know they aren’t alone.

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My experiences in leaving the Worldwide Church of God, which happened in the autumn of 1995, a bit over 13 years after becoming a baptized member, are directly related to how I affiliated with the church. It was different, perhaps, than most.

As it happens, I left the church with no rancor, confrontation, or other immediate difficulties with former members. I simply walked away, with a single letter of “resignation” to the local fill-in pastor at the time, and that was it. I had no phone calls, no confrontations, no interpersonal matters of concern.

Why, then, was my leaving the church perhaps as significant as those who left behind now-contentious former friends, or had other unfortunate difficulties? For me, leaving the church physically was really quite easy, a welcome relief, in fact. But leaving it spiritually, morally, and thoughtfully was an entire other matter, one that hovers over me to this day. The mental impact of Herbert W. Armstrong, Garner Ted Armstrong, and the dozens of ministers who so forcefully espoused the doctrines of the Worldwide Church of God still affect me to this day, 15 years after I physically left. I continue to wrestle with all that happened before and during my membership. I am therefore still in the process of fully leaving the Worldwide Church of God. I deeply fear that its impress on my mind will not be fully cleared until I enter my grave or get taken up upon Christ’s return. Until then, as I continue to “leave,” I continue to live, sadly with so much of the effects of the fears and familial disruptions that were necessarily a part of my experiences in the church.

Again, what I’m about to recount is not, per se, matters of leaving the WCG. But in fact, because of their continuing blazes on my memory and thoughts, as I try to wrestle with them and put them out of my mind, they are a direct and continuing part of leaving Armstrongism---if that's even fully possible.

I was first deceived as a high school kid back in the mid-1960s, when I started to listen to the powerfully persuasive broadcast voice of Garner Ted Armstrong. The man had an imposing voice, and he said things that really caused me to think. I was ripe for the unique perspectives Armstrong presented. From my childhood, I had a scientific mind (I’m now a biologist), and searched for little-known or alternative explanations for otherwise difficult problems. Garner Ted had me in his hands from the start. I was a complete sucker for his authoritative-sounding pronouncements.

At college, when on my own, I could listen each night to The World Tomorrow, with the professional introductions of Art Gilmore, followed by Garner Ted holding forth. I become even more hooked and entranced.

I subscribed to the World Tomorrow, and started getting some of the church’s literature. I became further mired in the slick theological slime being offered as profoundly truthful, formerly-hidden doctrine, the New Truths, as it were.

But because of my strong Presbyterian upbringing, and the very clear objections my family would have were I ever to admit even listening to The World Tomorrow or reading The Plain Truth, I did all of this surreptitiously. 

Like so many others in the late 60s, I was knocked over by the booklet, 1975 in Prophecy, which so very clearly said that the apocalypse would begin in 1972. There were to be just a few years of normal life left for me.

But all that while, I could never forsake my family and become a member. I was a secret, under the table “co-worker,” or something.

Then, 1972 and 1975 came and went, uneventfully. That should have been the tipoff. But it wasn’t. I was still deluded into believing the great men in Pasadena had the ear of God, and were the only humans in the modern era into whose ears God himself spoke, revealing astonishing things no one else could know or reveal. But I was learning of them by listening to Garner Ted and reading, when I could, church literature.

But I never revealed any of this to anyone, my family, my new wife—anyone. I was a closet believer of Herbert W. Armstrong and his cohorts, without ever giving even a dime to his operation.

Then, in 1982, while my wife was at church teaching Sunday school, as I was getting dressed for church, I heard Herbert Armstrong proclaim in a broadcast that the Pharisees of Christ’s time were simply going to be tossed into the Lake of Fire. I swallowed hard, realizing that that’s what was going to happen to me, too; as I had learned all of the truths, but was practicing none of them. I distinctly recall Armstrong saying earlier in my encounters with the WCG that “Jesus won’t save anyone who doesn’t obey the law.”

It was clear, if the Pharisees were going to be found guilty of the law, what chance did I have? The Pharisees kept the law to every minor point. I kept nothing of the law. I was doomed.

So, on the side, without consulting anyone, I contacted a WCG minister. My wife was furious, as she should have been. I had utterly betrayed her. She went to two WCG services, with my two pre-school children. That was enough. She instantly sensed her inappropriate, unbelieving presence among the True Believers, among the Elect. She never attended another service, and held a great many church-derived offenses against me, even to this day.

I can’t convey how utterly glad I was when Joseph Tkach, Sr. came down with his pronouncements negating the imperatives of the Sabbaths or tithings, and all the other reformations he generated. For the first time in 13 years of membership, I could see a way out, without eventually being slain by God in an excruciating cauldron of hot liquids and gases. For the very first time, I got a distant glimpse of Christian hope.

One Sabbath, I believe in the spring or summer of 1995, I went to services in the nearby high school, and as I walked in only about a third of the congregation was seated. No one said a thing to me, but I could feel the piercing eyes and questioning minds. Just before services began, under the leadership of a local elder, in the absence of the assigned minister, one of the members in attendance perceived my concerns and said, “Well, John, looks like you don’t know what happened, do you?” He went on to tell how about two-thirds of the congregation had taken offense at Tkach’s new teachings and had left to uphold Armstrong’s truths. I knew of none of this, and pondered how none of the departing “true members” had bothered to contact me and invite me to join them. Clearly, I wasn’t worthy of such consideration.

Here’s why. From day one it was always obvious that I was a non-typical, even questionable member. I was married, and had kids, but they never came or were invited to any church event. I’ll never forget a 70-minute sermon by the local pastor on the necessity of marrying only a church member, and how sinful, even damning, it would be to be married to a non-believing mate. The whole sermon was a condemnation of my so unfortunate situation. I left the service and wept for 20 minutes in the car as I drove back home alone. I was made to feel to be the lowest form of life ever allowed into a Worldwide Church of God hall. I was to be pitied, if not entirely looked down upon.

I have dozens of other, similar memories of utter insufficiencies, errors, and outright WCG sins I was responsible for. For 13 years in the church I never recall a single joyous moment. From the very start, up to the very end, fear pervaded my existence. Would I be disfellowshipped and thereby be irrevocably condemned? Would I be required to divorce my wife? Would she divorce me? How was I going to pay for my children’s college when I had to give 25% of my pay to Armstrong?   

My marriage suffered terribly. My wife had every right to leave me, and almost did. You see, I could leave the church, and did. But how can I, today, leave searing memories of a marriage utterly disintegrated by the teachings and practices of God’s One True Church?

So, thankfully I have left the Worldwide Church of God? But the Armstrongs and the Worldwide Church of God have not left me. Their destructive imprints and mental scars still hover over my life. I live with my wonderful wife, and she still prepares my meals, cleans my clothes, and takes care of me. But she has no interest in touching me, allowing me to give her a hug or a kiss, or express in any normal way the affections that should be normally between a man and a wife. Her residual anger and resentment often are expressed in accusatory and angry episodes of verbal revenge. I have learned not to harbor any resentment against her because of all of this. But it’s been extremely hard.

Again, I left Armstrongism, but it has not left me. Me, my wife, and my marriage, are permanently scared and tattered. My wife and I get along as best we can, but the hurts and mental bruises have not healed. They cannot. In her eyes, I committed a form of adultery so much more egregious had it been with a real women, instead of a religious whore.

Tonight, as I have for the last quarter-century, I’ll go to bed alone. I’ll pray for my wife, and ask God’s forgiveness for all the terrors I worked on my wife and family as I so desperately tried to keep from being slain in the Lake of Fire.

For many who left the Worldwide Church of God, or any of the Armstrongist descendant churches, their difficulties, too, were hard and notable. Many lost close friends, endured harsh words, and left behind wonderful memories of mutual fellowship. But for most of those, learning to live a new life might be a bit easier than it is for me. I can have no new life. My marriage is damaged beyond repair. My sins, so understandably, are to my wife unforgivable. As I did while a fearful member of the Worldwide Church of God, I can only plug along, by myself, hoping someday to find real human happiness.

I left the WCG. It has not, and never will, leave me. What a fool I was.

–John of Ohio

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John, you are in our hearts and our prayers. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this with us. I can't imagine this was easy for you.

Valued reader, do me this favor, if you would be so kind - please note the faith displayed in this story. Please note that God is not blamed. Please note the acceptance of personal responsibility. Please note that patience and hope are having their good work. This is not the ideal ending by any means, but the attitude couldn't be on a more proper course. These things make this story a hopeful one for me.

But if you relate to this story, know that you are not alone. We are all damaged goods; some of us more than others. But you are not alone! We are praying for you, whomever you may be. Please pray for each other.

God allows bad things to happen to "good" people. But I believe that it is in these bad times that we see God so clearly in the words and deeds of others. Maybe it's a complete stranger who helps us. Maybe we will never know that we have helped someone. Maybe our pain is for the good of someone else who suffers. Regardless, shine that light of Jesus. Shine it brightly! Pay if forward. Because you never know.

Never give up hope! Never give up hope.

(REV. 21: 4) And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away

On Nimrod and Christmas Trees - part III

This is part three of a series where we have been investigating Nimrod and Christmas trees. I apologize that these posts are so academic and dry. There’s only so much a person can do with this topic. If you can stand it, they’re really informative! (If you can’t, then just absorb the summary.) But I intend for this last post to be different than the two previous.

This all started when we got an anonymous comment back on December 28 asking, “I am wondering where the information came from then, about Nimrod dying on Dec.25th, and he announced that people would put up a tree and decorate it every year on the day he died.” So that’s what we’ve been investigating.

In part 1, we learned that Alexander looked at a coin, didn't know what he was looking at, and invented a snake wrapped around a tree stump. But it wasn't a stump at all. In trying to follow his line of thinking, we found a tree was involved in the annual festival honoring Cybele and Attis – but this was a funeral in March, not a birth-celebration in December. The tree was a pine, but that is where the similarities end.

In part 2, we learned that there was a tree mentioned in the ancient myth of Osiris, but determining what kind of tree that was is quite difficult. The leading contenders are Heather and Sycamore. The tree was not decorated; it held up a palace roof for the king of Phoenicia. Also, neither the birthday nor date of death involved were in December. Not by a long shot.

In this post, I would like to do a little textual criticism on Herbert Armstrong’s “The Plain Truth About Christmas” and Alexander Hislop’s “The Two Babylons.” This might not be absolutely necessary, but I like to finish what I start and have things wrapped up.

A FOUNDATION OF SAND

We were led to a quote from Armstrong’s “The Plain Truth About Christmas” which says this:

“After Nimrod’s untimely death, his so-called mother-wife, Semiramis, propagated the evil doctrine of the survival of Nimrod as a spirit being. She claimed a full-grown evergreen tree sprang overnight from a dead tree stump, which symbolized the springing forth unto new life of the dead Nimrod. On each anniversary of his birth, she claimed, Nimrod would visit the evergreen tree and leave gifts upon it. December 25th was the birth of Nimrod. This is the real origin of the Christmas tree.”

-Herbert Armstrong, “The Plain Truth About Christmas”, 1970, p. 10

But this isn't true. None of it is.

Herbert Armstrong plagiarized Hislop then changed the quote and the only reason I can think of is because he thought his readers would never catch him. He thought no one would ever check his work, so why not change the quote? Hislop says a palm tree springs up beside the stump while Armstrong says an evergreen tree springs up from the stump. Makes it sound even more damning that way. 

Hislop provides a hand-drawn illustration supposedly of a coin from Tyre which he used to manufacture this story (see figure 27 on p. 98).

This drawing is supposedly the proof. One cannot claim accuracy of the supposed proof then deviate from it. If the supposed proof says "palm tree next to stump" then that is the only way the story can possibly go. One cannot base everything they have off of this drawing then not agree with the drawing. Pine tree is not part of this drawing. The source is either right or the entire thing is wrong.

I say the entire thing is wrong. Why? Because we proved this in Part I this isn't a stump to begin with. The real coinage pictured a snake on an egg. Everything is built upon on a story about a tree stump, but it wasn't a tree stump. Both Hislop and Armstrong are wrong.

You, our dear readers, are no doubt clearly able to see the futility in debating trees when the principal item here is not a stump at all but an egg. It literally doesn't matter what tree is in the background at this point. Either way, Armstrong loses.

But we are here to review, so we might as well beat this dead horse a little more.

Hislop attempts to escape this reality. Palm tree, fir tree, it’s all the same to Hislop. Throughout the book he ties every tree to the Christmas tree. He goes on to claim it’s the idea that matters, not the species of the tree.

“The Christmas tree, as has been stated, was generally at Rome a different tree, even the fir; but the very same idea as was implied in the palm-tree was implied in the Christmas-fir; for that covertly symbolized the new-born god as Baal-berith, ‘Lord of the Covenant,’ and thus shadowed forth the perpetuity and everlasting nature of his power, now that after having fallen before his enemies he had risen triumphant over them all.”

-Alexander Hislop, "The Two Babylons", 1858, p. 98

This is an outrageous claim so large that every tree on earth is now a Christmas tree! This is no proof, but an assertion.

And what of the trees used at the Feast of Booths (NEH. 8: 14-17)? What of the evergreen trees used in beautifying God's temple (ISA. 60: 13)? They also contrast the temporary nature of this life with the eternal nature of God. They fit Hislop’s description of  everything that's a tree is a Christmas tree. Are they a Christmas tree too, then? Ridiculous!

Hislop thinks any tree is a Christmas tree. Palm, pine… it’s all the same. And no one has a problem with this?

“The Christmas tree, now so common among us, was equally common in Pagan Rome and Pagan Egypt. In Egypt that tree was the palm tree; in Rome it was the fir; the palm-tree denoting the Pagan Messiah, as Baal-Tamar, the fir referring to him as Baal-Berith.”

-Alexander Hislop, "The Two Babylons", 1858, p. 97

Are we seriously to believe that the Egyptians cut down palm trees and brought them into their mud-brick homes to decorate them like Christmas trees? I can find no corroborating evidence of this claim anywhere. Nor will I. It doesn't exist because this never happened.

How can I be so bold? Just look at the details! Hislop didn’t get the details right.

He doesn’t get the name of the god right - Egyptians didn’t worship Baal-Tamar, which is the name of a place in Benjamin not a god, nor did they worship Baal-Berith, who is a Canaanite god. He doesn’t even match the correct language with the correct nation - Egyptians did not speak Hebrew or Canaanite.
They wouldn't know what a Baal-Tamar is. 

Evidence for this will never be found because it never happened. He made this all up as he went along.

Armstrong, plagiarizing (sometimes incorrectly) from the oft maddeningly confused Alexander Hislop, would tell us that the Christmas tree came from this story conjured incorrectly from a coin, and anyone with a Christmas tree is now a pagan - a pagan Nimrod-worshiper specifically. From what I’ve seen, I must totally reject this.

Why is it that this always comes back to Hislop? I’ll tell you, it’s because Hislop made these things up. He is the source! That's why we concentrate on Hislop. We go to the source. When the source is dead, dead wrong, how can anyone who relies the source be right?

Has anyone thought to demand proof from the people today who continue to parrot such things? When a minister preaches Nimrod and Semiramis, ask for his sources. Don’t even let them tell you about the trees used in the worship of Attis or Adonis or Horus. You should know better than that! If he gives you Herbert Armstrong, you know Armstrong’s source is Hislop. If he gives you another name from somewhere else, get their sources. No doubt you will see a chain back to Armstrong and Hislop. Perhaps they give you another name, like Ralph Woodrow who wrote “Babylon Mystery Religion.” Check Ralph Woodrow’s sources for that book; they’re all Hislop. Ralph Woodrow has since disavowed that book and refuted his own material! Maybe you will be directed to another name you’ve never heard of who is preaching Nimrod and Semiramis. Check their sources! I bet I know what you’ll come up with.

"A lie repeated often enough becomes the truth."
-Adolph Hitler

If there are 50,000 people all saying Nimrod is this or that thing, it doesn’t make it so. Either it is so, or it is not. Relying on the logical fallacy of Argumentum Ad Populum doesn’t make it any more or any less true. If there are 50,000 “experts” all claiming Nimrod is this or that thing, and they can all be traced back to this one source – Alexander Hislop – then Hislop is really the one by which the idea stands or falls. If Hislop falls, then all of these “experts” who rely on him fall with him.

He has fallen!

IT'S A RUSE

You might think I'm being outrageous, but I talk to people regularly about this stuff. There are people who would rather die than give up this most beloved lie about Nimrod. It lifts a person up in their own eyes. It’s far too convenient a club to bash others with. It’s too easy an excuse for too many other things. The implications of rejecting Hislop are too scary. It’s easier to call someone a Nimrod-worshipper than to answer their hard questions. It is easier to respond with venomous attack than to accept that we were wrong. “You’re a pagan, I’m one of the elect, and I’m done with this conversation.” Yes, someone said that to me. I paraphrase, but that is the gist of what was said.

The real base, foundational truth in all of this is that bashing Christmas is just a distraction. It is at best supporting evidence. The main event is the other beliefs in their system: the Old Covenant law, the Sabbath, the holy days, the Trinity, sacred names, etc etc. Those are what this is really all about.

A belief system like Armstrongism (or Adventism, JW, etc etc) is based on personal behavior. Do, or die. When a person realizes they cannot do and often fail, their only resort is to compare themselves to others. "At least I'm not as bad as those people." Fear and pride. That is all this Christmas debate really is. It's a way for people to feel superior to others and hopefully find a loophole around their own private failures in the legalistic system they belong to. If you can be painted as a dirty pagan, they actually look pretty good compared to you. Suddenly, their personal failures are not really so bad after all.

This is why people make up history and preach falsehoods, calling them true, and will not accept any evidence to the contrary.

If you really are after the truth – God’s truth – then you know as well as I do this is not the kind of person you must be. This is not the kind of thing God calls you to.

CONCLUSION

Do you realize how convoluted this is? 

He uses a drawing allegedly of a coin from Tyre to turn all trees into the Christmas tree because a Greek man's mother was a Myrrh tree and an Egyptian god was cut to pieces then a palm tree grew next to a stump which supposedly was a Caananite god. 
It's barely even comprehensible! But that didn’t stop him or Armstrong from proclaiming it to be God’s truth.

“Shocking as these facts are, they are the plain facts of history and the Bible!”

-Herbert Armstrong, “The Plain Truth About Christmas”, 1970, p. 13

No. They aren't.

This, I hope, will be the last I have to worry about this topic. Oh, this isn’t the end of it. Not by a long shot. But I hope it is the end of it for me... and for you. I know this study isn’t the end of it, but please excuse me if I find this 'Nimrod and Christmas trees' thing to be something I can no longer participate in. It disgusts me to know I used to believe this kind of thing.

A very dear and highly treasured friend of mine made this comment in response to our research on Christmas, “What you've done by the grace of God has truly inspired me to embrace Christmas without an ounce of guilt anymore, ever. It’s gone.” Praise the Lord!

Let me tell you how high an honor this is for me. I deserve none of it, and pass the credit and praise to the One to whom all praise and credit is due, but this is what I think it is all about. This comment is the very definition of grace.

Do you think I write this because I want to champion a holiday? No! We here at ABD champion the truth, not holidays. Out goal is not to get people to start keeping Christmas. Our goal is to free people from the shackles of the lies so they can have an unencumbered relationship with the Lord. 
If the truth makes one feel free to observe Christmas after that, that’s their business. And if one does not want to keep Christmas, that's their business too. If you keep it, keep it. If not, then not. Either way, just do it in faith with thanks to God.

(ROM. 14: 5-6a, 10) 5 One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it.

10 But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

People who have the misfortune of falling under the influence of the “truth” of like the kind we've seen in this series have lasting issues with guilt. Even when they step into to the New Covenant many of the past errors still need to be un-learned and the guilt remains.

There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that leads to repentance, and the kind that leads to beating ourselves up (and others, and God.) This guilt that causes us to hide from God, distance ourselves from our family, point the finger and judge other faithful Christians, look for excuses, bite and devour one another, propagate falsehoods in the name of “truth” - this guilt is not from God. Jesus removes guilt through truth. His word is truth, and the truth will remove the unnecessary guilt.

Freedom - this is from God.

Here in this study we have seen and proven that certain men have been very, very wrong for a very long time. They have spread guilt and fear, often on purpose as a means of control. Do we honestly think the things we’ve learned in this study were hidden from such men? Do we honestly think they’ve done the research yet didn’t see what we’ve seen here? 
If they didn’t do the research, then they are ignorant and have no business talking about what they do not know. But if they did the research, then they saw. They saw and still they chose to copy a man who copied a man who didn’t do honest research. The truth is they were wrong. For all their bluster and all their great swelling words, they were wrong. For all their threats and their fiery indignation, they were wrong. For all their multiple sources that all stand or fall on the same man, they were wrong.
There is nothing to their stories. The guilt is all imaginary, in their minds and in ours. Let it go.

I beg you, in truth, prayerfully go before God and ask Him to lift this needless guilt from your shoulders. Be free of these unnecessary burdens imposed on you wrongfully so that you can run the race unencumbered.

Embrace the truth, dearly loved by Christ, and be truly free.

(JON. 8: 31-32, 36) 31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

36 "Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed."

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It is important that you understand; Everything on this blog is based on the current understanding of each author. Never take anyone's word for it, always prove it for yourself, it is your responsibility. You cannot ride someone else's coattail into the Kingdom. ; ) Acts 17:11
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